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Kelsey Grammer had scrambled eggs a-a-all over his face when he falsely accused an internet company of stealing a homemade sex tape from his house. Nowadays, the Frasier star claims to be more careful about what he performs on camera – although this doesn’t explain Back To You. Ugh.

They say you’re not a true celebrity until your sex tape leaks. “They” being perverts.

We’re not perverts here at Popdust, but we are Pornalists™*. And, as far as we’re concerned, celebrity sex tapes are worthy of acute analysis**.

After watching all of the celebrity sex tapes available – and after copious cold showers – we present to you a ranked list, from worst to first. Everything from cinematography to dialogue to, of course, actual sex was called into question to determine the rankings. You’ll notice we used the academic grading scale as opposed to, for instance, “four out of five dicks,” because, again, we’re not perverts.

Here were the prerequisites for the films chosen:
-Must include at least two people (sorry, Tila Tequila)
-Must be more than just “rumored” (sorry, Lauren Conrad)
-Must not include any underaged peoples (sorry, Rob Lowe)
-Must be available to watch in full (sorry, Hulk Hogan and Verne Troyer)

Celebrity sex tapes come in two forms: the celebrities that were famous first and featured in a sex tape second and those who actually became famous for their involvement in a sex tape. Click here if you want to see a list of celebrity sex tapes you DIDN’T want to see.